Chili Cleanse

We interrupt your regularly scheduled nonsense blog to bring you…

The Great Chili Cleanse of 2016

Hello and welcome, to chili cleanse.

Please, before you go ANY further, consider donating to my current fundraiser that 100% benefits individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities, and their adopted pets. I will send you a shirt. Also, the minimum is only ten bucks…seriously, do it. Here’s the link:

https://www.crowdrise.com/biscuits-whiskey-and-beer-charity-triathlon-a-thon/

Ok…chili cleanse.

Sundays are a special time in our household. The Mrs. and I have an understanding that I will take the baby for the day so she can run errands, catch up on work, and generally have some time to do what she needs to get done. In exchange, I get full reign to watch football and play Madden. All. Day. Long. With the little guy on my lap wearing his little Panthers gear, and I in my horribly outdated Ed Reed Ravens jersey (he’s one of my top three all-time Ravens and the only other Ravens jersey I own has the name of a player on another team…I refuse to retire it), we sit and eat. He gets bottles, but I get whatever I want. As such, I am usually up before the sun prepping something appropriate: pulled pork, chopping veggies to top nachos, chili, you get the idea.

Well, this week I made an error in calculations and made WAY too much chili. Faced with a bottomless crock pot, I decided this week I will engage in a “chili cleanse”. All chili, all the time. The base recipe is vegetarian, jam packed with veggies both fresh and canned, not too spicy, but with enough kick to be interesting. This was by design so that the vegetarian Mrs. could partake if that was how she chose to spend her Sunday-lady-day. On this day, she said she would have “some”. Any man with two brain cells to rub together know this to mean in reality: very little. I was on my own. Fortunately, I also had a copious amount of pulled pork on the side to mix in as desired, and I desire it, always.

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Hello there Charlie Mewshaw…did you know that I’ll be the end of you? NOT SO FAST CHILI, I’VE SEEN WORSE THAN YOUR LIKE

What follows is my attempt to eat all the chili.

Day 1 – Bowl 1

After an uninspiring breakfast of generic brand cheerios, my lunch was a moderately sized bowl of chili with a lovely heated from frozen Pillsbury Grand. I prefer these frozen pucks over the tube variety because you can toss one in the toaster oven and have a biscuit whenever, but I digress.

The chili is good, I am excited about setting off on this voyage. I pair it with a Great Lakes Brewing Co. Burning River Pale Ale left behind from a previous football week by a friend (thanks Quentin). The Panthers are winning, which in my mind makes my infant son happy because I choose to believe that is his team. The Ravens are winning, this makes me happy. My opponent in my fantasy league has Aaron Rogers starting and he is playing well, I am going to lose. All in all, I’m coming out ahead in this equation, so spirits remain high.

Man, what an awesome way to kick the afternoon off!
Man, what an awesome way to kick the afternoon off!

Day 1 – Bowl 2

The Panthers have lost, so the baby is taking a nap and thinking over his crushing defeat. My fantasy lineup has been decimated and the 4pm games have just started, I have some more beers. Despite all of this, the Ravens have won, and therefore, spirits remain high. I go back to the chili for a snack, this time sprinkling some tortilla chips on the top and pairing it with water, for I must hydrate. No pork this time, its just a snack, almost like a bowl of hot salsa.

Little bit of heartburn, no matter, a moderate snack bowl will do.
Little bit of heartburn, no matter, a moderate snack bowl will do.

The chili is good, and I am pleased. I look forward to later in the evening when I will have a larger portion, likely with cheese and more pork on top.

Day 1 – Bowl 3

For dinner some Giants fans dropped by to lament their day’s loss, and they partook of the chili. All were pleased, and yet the bottomless chili pot remains bottomless. It’s depths unfathomable, I press onward. Added some cheese, some pork, and circled back around to biscuits. Satisfied with the day’s events, the remains are portioned out into plastic containers and put in the fridge for later.

We're all winners on this day chili.
We’re all winners on this day chili.

Day 2 – Bowl 1

The breakfast of champions may be a cup of microwaved chili and black coffee at 5:30am, but I doubt it. After a sluggish awakening, I was roused to meet the day by the promise of more chili. It’s still good, but I didn’t heat it up enough, and it wound up being half cold, so it’s not great. No cheese, no chips, no biscuit, just me,the chili and the coffee. As I eat I wonder how much to pack for lunch, and have to admit I’m not super into the idea of more chili right now.

This is...ok.
This is…ok.

Day 2 – Bowl 2

Lunch bowl is of modest size, and I crushed up a bunch of tortilla chips in an effort to make some sort of Frito pie type concoction. I ate it cold because when I am at work, ice water flows through my veins, and I am a man possessed by the mission. I pair it with a 5 hour energy and some water. There is barely time for sustenance. I am growing tired of chili.

no mas por favor
no mas por favor

Day 2 – Bowl 3

I returned home to find my wife ate one of my portions. I suspect she grows weary of chili cleanse. I double down. Mega-portion for dinner, with added sausage and cheese. I pair it with a Sam Adams Oktoberfest. My passion for chili returns, burning like the indigestion I am currently suffering.

This picture belies the scale of this feat. Also, this is the greatest bowl of chili I've ever had.
This picture belies the scale of this feat. Also, this is the greatest bowl of chili I’ve ever had.

Day 2 – evening update

The gas is real.

Day 3 – Bowl 1

Hot coffee, hot chili, hot times….no picture, deal with it.

Day 3 – Bowl 2

There is not enough chili left to constitute a meal. It is finished. This is good, as the effects you would expect have reached a pinnacle and become toxic.

Day 4

Although no chili has been consumed in 24 hours, the after effects are still felt.

Final thoughts:

  • The gas, while hilarious, was not as bad as expected at first, but turned suddenly on day 2 to toxic.
  • The recipe for chili is:

1 ½ cups chopped yellow onions
1 ½ cups baby bella mushrooms stemmed and cubed
1 red bell pepper chopped
2 lil yellow squashes, cut the stem ends off and dice ‘em
3 (15 oz.) cans diced tomatoes
2 (15 oz.) cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can tomato sauce
1 (15 oz.) can corn kernels, drained
2 (4.5 oz.) cans diced green chiles, drained
1 1/2 cups vegetable stock
2 Tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons oregano leaves
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 ½ teaspoons onion powder
1 ¼ teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves – no stems, no seeds, no sticks
¼ cup cornmeal

Mix up everything but the corn meal and cilantro.

Cover and cook on High for 4 hours.

20-30 minutes before the chili finishes cooking, dump in cornmeal and chopped cilantro…then let that shiz sit ALL DAY LONG on “warm”. If your pot has no warm setting, I don’t know what to tell you other than get to eatin.

  • The pulled pork is basic slow cooked pork shoulder with eastern Carolina sauce (vinegar, sugar, pepper flakes)
  • I sort of wish I had more chili, that went really quick.
  • Check out the Triathlon-a-Thon below. It’s a good cause, and if you’ve read this far, probably a good person. Think about donating.

I’ll be back at it next week, when I get back around to the exploding beer story/review.

Your host,

Charlie Mewshaw

PLEASE DONATE, IT’S FOR ADOPTED PETS:

https://www.crowdrise.com/biscuits-whiskey-and-beer-charity-triathlon-a-thon/

Charity Triathlon-A-Thon 2016 – OCTOBER 23rd 2016

THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!
THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

Coming this fall (October 23rd, 2016):

For the last year and a half I have worked for an amazing charity and directly witnessed the positive impact they make on the lives of the individuals they serve. Noting that traffic to the site has been trending upwards, I wanted to leverage that traffic into awareness:

Residential Services, Inc (RSI) is a non-profit charity operating in the Chapel Hill / Carrboro / Durham area that provides living options, and support programs for people with intellectual, and developmental disabilities. RSI promotes quality of life by maximizing self-determination, development of independent living skills, community involvement, meaningful social roles, and socially responsible behavior. One of the benefits the development of independent living skills for RSI residents presents, is the great joy and companionship found through the adoption of pets.

Across the 15 group homes, numerous independent living apartments, and North Carolina’s first ever retirement community for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, RSI’s residents have taken on responsibility for a number of pets adopted from the Orange County Animal Shelter. Part of this responsibility are veterinary costs, which as anyone with pets knows can come on suddenly, and escalate quickly. Unfortunately, this reality presents a uniquely difficult challenge to individuals operating on a fixed income. Earlier this year, a resident’s cat fell unexpectedly ill, requiring surgery. In this instance, RSI staff banded together and raised the money out of their own resources to assist the resident (and cat) in need. This was a beautiful act, however it highlighted the difficulty and uncertainty that these situations can raise.

The goal of this fundraising effort is to generate a standing fund to assist in instances where unexpected medical expenses for animals belonging to RSI residents arise. This fund would help alleviate the impact these instances present, and enrich the lives of the people RSI is dedicated to serving. In order to help raise awareness for this effort, Biscuits Whiskey & Beer is happy to announce the first ever Biscuits Whiskey & Beer Triathlon-a-Thon.

This is designed to be a fundraising event that anyone can participate in, aimed at low-key novice golfers, bowlers, and pinballers that are looking to experience the fun of a charity tournament event without the large scale commitment they usually bring. We will be starting the day off at 9am at 401 Par Golf in Raleigh with nine holes of pitch n’ putt par 3 golf, followed by some bowling at The Alley, and cap it off with some pinball. In order to participate I would ask that you make a donation to the cause (every little bit helps, there is no minimum). For your donation you will receive entry into the tournament roster, and some beverages. Donations of $25 dollars or more will receive a commemorative shirt, beverages along the way, and a shot at some awesome prizes throughout day (best score, worst score, hole in one, best ball, etc). If only one leg of the triathlon-a-thon sounds like your kind of time, you can totally drop-in/drop-out along the way, just be sure to meet back up at the end for the grand awards ceremony. Even if you are unable to participate in the event, I hope that you will consider donating to this fundraising effort, and participate in raising awareness through social media sharing.

Every little bit helps, and every donor will be named when the funds are donated to RSI. As a further incentive, I will be making the tournament shirts available in exchange for a $20 donation for those who like the idea of helping out, but are unable to participate.

Please contact me directly with your shirt size after making a donation so that I can get those ordered.

Donations/entry can be made here:

https://www.crowdrise.com/biscuits-whiskey-and-beer-charity-triathlon-a-thon/

All funds will go directly to RSI from this site, Biscuits Whiskey and Beer will not be taking any cut.

FAQ

What if it rains? If it’s really coming down and the course is closed, we will push the event off to the following weekend. If it’s really coming down that weekend, we will just do bowling and pinball, with a reschedule of golf TBD.

Do I need to pay greens/lane fees? You are responsible for the $8 greens fee for golf, and lane fees for however long you wish to bowl at $3.50 per game, Pinball is 50 cents.This is to break it up in case someone doesn’t want to participate in every facet of the event.

How much driving is there? How’s parking? The locations are just 15 minutes apart and have ample parking – The Alley is on Hillsborough St. but has a garage, and carpooling is encouraged

I don’t have golf clubs, can I still play? The golf course has rental clubs available, or you can ask a buddy to share.

How do I get there?

Links to event locations and addresses for directions:

http://401pargolf.com/ – 5715 Fayetteville Rd. Chapel Hill NC 27603

http://www.bowlthealley.com/ – 2512 Hillsborough St. Raleigh NC 27607

Does RSI have a website? YUP! http://www.rsi-nc.org