I’m putting down the snacks for a bit to work on completing a long held personal goal of hiking the Maryland portion of the Appalachian Trail without stopping. It’s 40+ miles, and I am WOEFULLY unprepared for it, so keeping a blog on things that are great but prohibitive from completing this task is counter-productive.
I’ll be back, and the biscuits, whiskey, and beer will as well. In the meantime, follow the new adventures at:
Triathlon-a-Thon 2: The Fundraisening will be coming to Chapel Hill at the end of the summer. Last year we bounced around Raleigh, had a great time, a great turnout, a great pizza sponsorship from realty expert Matt Szalecki (for all your triangle related real estate needs, check out the links below), and most importantly made a tangible contribution to supporting independent lifestyles of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
For those just tuning check out the full breakdown on the page link to the left, same great cause, awesome new events. More details on specifics to be posted here soon.
So what are we gonna do?! In response to suggestions from last year, this year’s event will be fully walkable and will include: FOOSBALL, SKEEBALL, and PINBALL. Like last year, there will be fabulous prizes in each category, and participants will receive tremendous gifts for their donations in the amount of $20 or more! Details to follow soon, but mark your calendars now for Saturday, September 9 2017! If you want to donate, but can’t make the event, that’s cool too! We will be using Crowdrise again to ensure RSI receives all donations directly, and sending out the thank you gifts to all donors of $20 or more, not just attendees.
Thanks for reading, let’s do some good and have some fun!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled nonsense blog to bring you…
The Great Chili Cleanse of 2016
Hello and welcome, to chili cleanse.
Please, before you go ANY further, consider donating to my current fundraiser that 100% benefits individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities, and their adopted pets. I will send you a shirt. Also, the minimum is only ten bucks…seriously, do it. Here’s the link:
Sundays are a special time in our household. The Mrs. and I have an understanding that I will take the baby for the day so she can run errands, catch up on work, and generally have some time to do what she needs to get done. In exchange, I get full reign to watch football and play Madden. All. Day. Long. With the little guy on my lap wearing his little Panthers gear, and I in my horribly outdated Ed Reed Ravens jersey (he’s one of my top three all-time Ravens and the only other Ravens jersey I own has the name of a player on another team…I refuse to retire it), we sit and eat. He gets bottles, but I get whatever I want. As such, I am usually up before the sun prepping something appropriate: pulled pork, chopping veggies to top nachos, chili, you get the idea.
Well, this week I made an error in calculations and made WAY too much chili. Faced with a bottomless crock pot, I decided this week I will engage in a “chili cleanse”. All chili, all the time. The base recipe is vegetarian, jam packed with veggies both fresh and canned, not too spicy, but with enough kick to be interesting. This was by design so that the vegetarian Mrs. could partake if that was how she chose to spend her Sunday-lady-day. On this day, she said she would have “some”. Any man with two brain cells to rub together know this to mean in reality: very little. I was on my own. Fortunately, I also had a copious amount of pulled pork on the side to mix in as desired, and I desire it, always.
What follows is my attempt to eat all the chili.
Day 1 – Bowl 1
After an uninspiring breakfast of generic brand cheerios, my lunch was a moderately sized bowl of chili with a lovely heated from frozen Pillsbury Grand. I prefer these frozen pucks over the tube variety because you can toss one in the toaster oven and have a biscuit whenever, but I digress.
The chili is good, I am excited about setting off on this voyage. I pair it with a Great Lakes Brewing Co. Burning River Pale Ale left behind from a previous football week by a friend (thanks Quentin). The Panthers are winning, which in my mind makes my infant son happy because I choose to believe that is his team. The Ravens are winning, this makes me happy. My opponent in my fantasy league has Aaron Rogers starting and he is playing well, I am going to lose. All in all, I’m coming out ahead in this equation, so spirits remain high.
Day 1 – Bowl 2
The Panthers have lost, so the baby is taking a nap and thinking over his crushing defeat. My fantasy lineup has been decimated and the 4pm games have just started, I have some more beers. Despite all of this, the Ravens have won, and therefore, spirits remain high. I go back to the chili for a snack, this time sprinkling some tortilla chips on the top and pairing it with water, for I must hydrate. No pork this time, its just a snack, almost like a bowl of hot salsa.
The chili is good, and I am pleased. I look forward to later in the evening when I will have a larger portion, likely with cheese and more pork on top.
Day 1 – Bowl 3
For dinner some Giants fans dropped by to lament their day’s loss, and they partook of the chili. All were pleased, and yet the bottomless chili pot remains bottomless. It’s depths unfathomable, I press onward. Added some cheese, some pork, and circled back around to biscuits. Satisfied with the day’s events, the remains are portioned out into plastic containers and put in the fridge for later.
Day 2 – Bowl 1
The breakfast of champions may be a cup of microwaved chili and black coffee at 5:30am, but I doubt it. After a sluggish awakening, I was roused to meet the day by the promise of more chili. It’s still good, but I didn’t heat it up enough, and it wound up being half cold, so it’s not great. No cheese, no chips, no biscuit, just me,the chili and the coffee. As I eat I wonder how much to pack for lunch, and have to admit I’m not super into the idea of more chili right now.
Day 2 – Bowl 2
Lunch bowl is of modest size, and I crushed up a bunch of tortilla chips in an effort to make some sort of Frito pie type concoction. I ate it cold because when I am at work, ice water flows through my veins, and I am a man possessed by the mission. I pair it with a 5 hour energy and some water. There is barely time for sustenance. I am growing tired of chili.
Day 2 – Bowl 3
I returned home to find my wife ate one of my portions. I suspect she grows weary of chili cleanse. I double down. Mega-portion for dinner, with added sausage and cheese. I pair it with a Sam Adams Oktoberfest. My passion for chili returns, burning like the indigestion I am currently suffering.
Day 2 – evening update
The gas is real.
Day 3 – Bowl 1
Hot coffee, hot chili, hot times….no picture, deal with it.
Day 3 – Bowl 2
There is not enough chili left to constitute a meal. It is finished. This is good, as the effects you would expect have reached a pinnacle and become toxic.
Although no chili has been consumed in 24 hours, the after effects are still felt.
The gas, while hilarious, was not as bad as expected at first, but turned suddenly on day 2 to toxic.
The recipe for chili is:
1 ½ cups chopped yellow onions
1 ½ cups baby bella mushrooms stemmed and cubed
1 red bell pepper chopped
2 lil yellow squashes, cut the stem ends off and dice ‘em
3 (15 oz.) cans diced tomatoes
2 (15 oz.) cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can tomato sauce
1 (15 oz.) can corn kernels, drained
2 (4.5 oz.) cans diced green chiles, drained
1 1/2 cups vegetable stock
2 Tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons oregano leaves
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 ½ teaspoons onion powder
1 ¼ teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves – no stems, no seeds, no sticks
¼ cup cornmeal
Mix up everything but the corn meal and cilantro.
Cover and cook on High for 4 hours.
20-30 minutes before the chili finishes cooking, dump in cornmeal and chopped cilantro…then let that shiz sit ALL DAY LONG on “warm”. If your pot has no warm setting, I don’t know what to tell you other than get to eatin.
The pulled pork is basic slow cooked pork shoulder with eastern Carolina sauce (vinegar, sugar, pepper flakes)
I sort of wish I had more chili, that went really quick.
Check out the Triathlon-a-Thon below. It’s a good cause, and if you’ve read this far, probably a good person. Think about donating.
I’ll be back at it next week, when I get back around to the exploding beer story/review.
Look, I know labels are important for survival and roping in new customers in the brutal craft beer arena. Without a notable label, an up and coming beer company’s brew can languish among the labels pushing looks that are stylish, modern, ironic, funny, edgy, any other adjective the marketing team of a brewery goes for when rolling out a new beer.
I’ve seen monkey astronauts, retro-pin-up models, wacky paintings of headless horsemen, and even blank labels used to push beer, and they all worked for effective branding. Yesterday I saw a label that did not work.
Killer Kolsch…ok, the alliteration works, killer is a widely accepted synonym for exceedingly good…but what the hell man? There’s a person covered in blood looking contemplatively down at their hands as the focal point of the design. You know what? No.
What’s the description on this going to be? Something like – murderous malts combine with havoc inducing hops, to slay your tastebuds? No. I will not buy your murder beer, I find it distasteful. It’s not as bad as ISIS IPA, but it’s not good either.
Quick break from biscuits, whiskey, and beer to pose a question. Do we need so many questions, and so much paperwork in our retail experiences? Let me relate the interaction I just had while purchasing a book.
Me: Hey how’s it going? (places book on counter)
Clerk: Did you find everything ok?
Clerk: Will you be saving with us today by using a membership?
Clerk: Would you like a membership?
Me: No, thank you.
Clerk: Would you like to provide an e-mail for updates and sales?
Me: No, thank you.
Clerk: Will this be all?
Clerk: Would you like a bag?
Me: No, thank you.
Clerk: Ok, you ca have a nice day.
Me: You too!
THAT’S A LOT OF DIALOGUE. For the record, I have no ill-will towards the clerk, I understand they have to abide by the script, but maybe, just maybe, someone at corporate should reconsider the amount of questions asked of a person buying a single book.
Also, have you been to CVS lately? They print receipts as long as your arm, even when you’re just getting a soda or a pack of gum. Its equally as nuts.
Lets get back to simpler times of “hows it going?”-“this it?”-“yup.”-“thanks!” and keeping it moving…with receipts that only list what you bought and who you bought it from.