In Defense of Ronald

This morning’s biscuit is one that should be familiar to millions. From beneath the golden arches, where consistency is the business model, breakfast biscuit lovers the world over stuck in a tight spot know they can rely on the McDonalds bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. With the new “breakfast all day” menu at Mickey Dees, depending on your region, you can even get one at night (some regions are McMuffins only for the all day deal). The particular location for this biscuit is one of those recently remodeled within the last 5-10 year McDonald’s that kind of feel like a Starbucks. Let me be clear, when I say remodeled, I mean they tore the whole damn thing down, and put up a brand new burger spot….that looks like a Starbucks. Gone are the gaudy red/yellow seat cushions of yesteryear, and ephemera with cartoon characters everywhere. These newer structures are sleek, with digital signage, weird little fireplaces, and a clean “modern” feel. It’s weird, and I don’t really eat at McDonalds ever these days, but I still feel a little nostalgic for the way things were whenever I step into a “new” McDonalds.

McCafe. One day we'll all laugh at these, like those new Wendy's that look like night clubs.
McCafe. One day we’ll all laugh at these, like those new Wendy’s that look like night clubs.
Unlike this, which will live on, sparkly and golden in our memories forever.
Unlike this, which will live on, sparkly and golden in our memories forever.

Before we move on to the main topic at hand I should disclose that I, like many young Americans, once held a position of employment in Ray Kroc’s empire. I worked at a McDonalds in a Walmart as the guy who put the sandwiches together. It was a special circle of hell reserved for those with weird schedules. I could complain more, but really, they accommodated my high school sports practice schedule, I was only there for three months, and I gained a weird appreciation for how controlled and consistent the Ronald McDonald way of food production was. That being said…on to the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit!

Look at that beauty!
Look at that beauty!

Coming in at 2″ tall by 3″ wide, it’s not the behemoth that some other places offer.

She doesn't look like much, but she's got it where it counts.
Wait…that’s not the same thing as the picture at all…
IMG_8181
It may not look like much, but its got it where it counts.

Well done, with some crispy bits but not burnt, and oddly even a little chewy, the McBiscuit has great structure, and holds together without feeling like a brick. This texture makes you feel like you’re eating something substantive, but a look at the dimensions and a reflection on the ingredients will make you think otherwise, like maybe there should be more…more biscuit, more bacon, more something (I suspect this has led patrons to double down on their selections more than once). The biscuit itself is not so much buttery as greasy, almost like a French fry. This isn’t to say that it’s bad, on the contrary, it is surprisingly good. The McDonalds biscuit represents the assembly line perfection of a traditionally “home-style” food. Add in a little bacon, a decent sized egg, and a slice of American cheese and you’ve got a classic.

From a financial standpoint, there are far more sensible purchases from the McValue menu that will net you more food for your buck. They know what they’ve got, and the Bacon, Egg, and Cheese is the Cadillac of the lineup, priced as such at $3 and change.

Eschew this list of savings and go big with the Bacon, Egg, & Cheese, you big spender you.
Eschew this list of savings and go big with the Bacon, Egg, & Cheese, you big spender you.

In their own way, the McDonald’s folks have managed to create a staple item that serves as biscuit 101 for kids, a nationally certified hangover helper for reckless youth, a quick breakfast for people on their way to work, and a symbol to rally around for the elderly (seriously, older people love hanging out at McDonalds in the AM). The McDonalds bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit is the ol’ faithful of the biscuit world. It might not be that exciting, but it is reliable, comfortable, and manages near perfection in its meeting of expectations. How many times you had a bad McBiscuit? My guess is at most once, but a more likely answer is never. Get off yer high horse you haters, and embrace the McBiscuit, it’s a viable option.

Until next time, when I unveil the worst beer I have ever had.

Your host,

Charlie Mewshaw